Pragya Nawani

This pandemic has changed me, isolated me, left me wondering why it happened, who was at fault?

In 12th standard like a typical Indian teenager, it was all about studying and putting my 100 per cent to secure a seat in a regular college — no socializing, and attending five extra classes a day to go past the high admission cutoffs. By the time I was 19 and got into a tier-A college, I was like a happy teenager full of dreams and feeling how my hard work was worth it. But it didn’t last long.

Around December last, there was a news in the corner of a newspaper about a virus flu spreading in China. Fast forward to March, I was amid my internal assessments when the Delhi government issued a notice about colleges being closed for few weeks. The break was not as simple at it initially looked, transforming into quarantine and lockdown.

By the time I could figure things out, Covid-19 lockdown 1.0 was implemented.  My immediate concern was of panic and also a worry about people I knew, like the laundry person and vegetable vendor. The confinement took a toll on me, more so because I am an outgoing person and not able to travel around or meet a friend added to my state of confusion and woe.

Months passed with me hoping for colleges to open for the second year. I was disappointed when our semester was converted fully digital. Staying at home and studying online was not the only struggle out there. Internet connection issues and a sudden change of technology left all of us puzzled.

Come early March, 2021 and with a low positivity rate most of the restrictions were being lifted and I felt a hope that we have won and this is over and everything will be normal in just a couple more months. However, things turned for the worst. All this while I saw the pandemic as a bystander. But even after strictly being at home for more than a year, the virus got to me and I tested positive..From being the one spreading positive vibes and advice I was now a cluster of confusion, depression and loneliness. We were by then in the midst of the biggest Covid-19 outbreak India ever witnessed.

News channels, papers and journals were filled up with depressing headlines about no oxygen, no plasma, no vaccine.  shortage of everything, people dying on streets, cremation grounds full – a recipe for overall misery. If being Covid positive was not enough, I was having every symptom there is for the disease and my worry was where would I go if the situation worsened. What if anyone else in my family tested positive?

In the last one and a half years, this pandemic has changed me, isolated me, left me only questioning why this happened, why lakhs lost their lives, who was at fault, were scientists not aware of how lethal this virus can be, why WHO took three months to declare it an epidemic and so on.

So many of my close friends and relatives passed away in the second wave this wave. I was in mid-crisis not able to figure out what was going on any more and where we were headed. Searching for the elusive answers, I started praying but the questions remained unanswered and me short of peace.

Now as we enter June, cases are again taking a dip, but experts have already warned about another wave in the near future. I am not very hopeful but maybe things might get better. As a teenager I got into college full of dreams and hopes of good exposure and experience. But all that was short-lived and it is six months now since I am confined to my bedroom, nearly certain that I will be getting a digital degree with digital classes and digital examinations. Half of us areat least in touch with one another thanks to the web, even if that means continuing to worry about our future. The other does not have access to basic services like internet and is unable to even communicate. Let us hope things will get better because there is no option for them but to get better.

(Pragya is a B Com (Hons) student at Sri Ram College of Commerce, New Delhi. The views expressed are personal.)