Chahat Mahajan
In a place where everyone has lost something or someone and we are left with unexplainable suffering, how can one handle the pain? How can one deal with the huge void that is imprinted inside of us? How can we feel normal again?
An inevitable life experience that everyone goes through is loss. It could be from losing a job or losing the person you love. It could be anything but in the end, what is left is grief. Often we do understand how to deal with it and we do everything in our power to distract ourselves from it. We keep on avoiding it until it consumes us and we can no longer run from it. We cannot hide. We are left with only one choice and that is to face it.
Take it head-on; let it hurt you until it cannot anymore.
Your loss no matter how small it is yours and you do not have to be ashamed of it. There is nothing wrong with admitting that you are not okay. There is no time limit to be over a loss. We often compare our grief to others and hold on to the notion if they can heal\be okay in such a small fraction of time then why can’t we? Some people take two weeks, some two months and some two years. Healing is a process, not a race. Everyone has their journey and their way to deal with pain. There is nothing wrong if you are taking time to be okay. There is no right or wrong way in the grieving process.
They say there are five stages of grief and they follow in the order: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression and Acceptance. But you do not have to go through all the stages or in the exact order to heal. People have different ways to cope with grief. We are constantly adapting and finding new ways to fix ourselves. The feeling that comes with grief and pain is like a messy tornado. We feel there is no way out but there is always a way. We have to believe in ourselves and not lose hope. In the healing process, there are days when we are completely okay and there are days where we are sinking inside a big hole. Two steps ahead and one step back is still progress. Do not be too hard on yourself. Allow yourself the space and time to breathe and take one day at a time. It is okay to be hurt and take a break but we have to make sure we do not stay there for too long. We have to eventually pick up the pieces and move on.
You can start by Accepting and Understanding: Accepting that you are not okay. Acknowledging your feelings and sitting with your emotions no matter how intricate they are. Accepting feelings are going to be messy. They can get triggered in surprising ways. You might think that you have it in control but you could lose yourself in a blink of an eye and it’s okay.
We should understand that everyone has a different way to deal with grief. Do not compare. Grieving is a personal experience and it’s different for different people.
Ask for help: You should not be ashamed of asking for help. Everything in life becomes easy when we are surrounded by the right set of people. Asking for support will help ease out the pain.
Taking extra care: You should take extra care of yourself during this time.
It is important to remember that the feeling of discomfort is not permanent. Do not lose hope because things will get better and something better will come along.
